I think my answer surprised her. "Babe, daddy and I HAVE had big fights; you've just not known about them." Does that surprise you, too? It shouldn't. Andrew and I are both human. Read: We have flaws and struggle with sin. We have been married now almost 12 years (we were just CHILDREN, I tell you). Overall, marriage has been wonderful and happy and we'd both do it all over again - BUT. Yes, but. We have had our share of rough times, some brought on by others and circumstances, but other times have been our fault. Our sin. Some of those times were incredibly dark and we wondered when the sun would come back out.
To me, the scariest thing about marriage is that I can only control one of us. I can pretend to control Andrew and I can manipulate him, but that's not real or love. All I can really control is me. Am I walking with the Lord? Am I loving and honoring my husband? Am I encouraging him in his relationship with Christ and praying for him?
As Christians, our marriage should be a demonstration of Christ's love for the world. Our relationship should be a picture of grace and redemption. (See Ephesians 6.) Are we going to mess up? Sin against God and each other? Yep. But we can extend forgiveness and grace to each other because Christ did that for us on the Cross.
Unfortunately, our reality is a broken world. I've watched couples struggle. I've wept over friends' marriages. I've watched spouses do everything they could to follow Christ and keep their marriage together, but do it alone. People say it takes two to make a marriage work. I'd like to argue that it takes three - husband, wife, Jesus. In the end, if one spouse refuses to actively participate in the life of a marriage, it can fall apart.
The good news? Christ offers forgiveness, grace, and redemption to everyone. Never been married? Walk with Jesus. Married? Walk with Jesus. Divorced? Walk with Jesus. That's the answer. It's simple, but it's not easy. If you are married, fight for your marriage with everything you have. If it's hard right now, keep pushing forward. Let God use you and your spouse to show Himself to those around you. If your marriage has been lost, don't despair. Allow Christ to heal your heart. Hold tightly to Him and stand. You are not destined for a lifetime of sackcloth and ashes, my friend. Isaiah 61 says "The Spirit of the Lord God is on Me, because the Lord has anointed Me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted. ... to provide for those who mourn in Zion; to give them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, festive oil instead of mourning, and splendid clothes instead of despair."
If you have walked away from Jesus or have never turned to Him to begin with, 1 John 1:9 says "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." All unrighteousness - doesn't matter what it is or who you are - because HE is faithful and just.
I'll say one more thing and then I'll hop off my marriage soapbox for now. Girls, I used to be a bit sad that Pinterest wasn't around when I got married. (Geez. That kind of makes me feel old.) But you know what? GET OFF PINTEREST AND GET IN YOUR BIBLE. In today's culture, so much emphasis is placed on weddings. And they are beautiful and memorable and special. They also last 30 minutes to an hour. Guess what? After your wedding, you have a marriage. That guy you love so much? Next week, he's going to make you mad. What are you going to do with that? Tip: find a couple who has a growing marriage and ask them to be your friends! Spend time with them. Learn from their mistakes. Ask them to help you through yours. Trust me on this one.
The night Elisabeth and I had our conversation, Andrew was at Bible study. When he got home, we had an after-bedtime-at-home-date-night. That means we ate ice cream out of the containers and watched Newhart. We're cool like that. In 50 years, I still want to eat ice cream and watch Newhart with him. Bonus: in 50 years, we won't have to hide the ice cream and wait until after the kids are in bed to eat it! I'm looking forward to the rest of my journey with my husband - and I know the only way we will make it through is if there are three of us walking together: Jesus, Andrew, and me.
To me, the scariest thing about marriage is that I can only control one of us. I can pretend to control Andrew and I can manipulate him, but that's not real or love. All I can really control is me. Am I walking with the Lord? Am I loving and honoring my husband? Am I encouraging him in his relationship with Christ and praying for him?
As Christians, our marriage should be a demonstration of Christ's love for the world. Our relationship should be a picture of grace and redemption. (See Ephesians 6.) Are we going to mess up? Sin against God and each other? Yep. But we can extend forgiveness and grace to each other because Christ did that for us on the Cross.
Unfortunately, our reality is a broken world. I've watched couples struggle. I've wept over friends' marriages. I've watched spouses do everything they could to follow Christ and keep their marriage together, but do it alone. People say it takes two to make a marriage work. I'd like to argue that it takes three - husband, wife, Jesus. In the end, if one spouse refuses to actively participate in the life of a marriage, it can fall apart.
The good news? Christ offers forgiveness, grace, and redemption to everyone. Never been married? Walk with Jesus. Married? Walk with Jesus. Divorced? Walk with Jesus. That's the answer. It's simple, but it's not easy. If you are married, fight for your marriage with everything you have. If it's hard right now, keep pushing forward. Let God use you and your spouse to show Himself to those around you. If your marriage has been lost, don't despair. Allow Christ to heal your heart. Hold tightly to Him and stand. You are not destined for a lifetime of sackcloth and ashes, my friend. Isaiah 61 says "The Spirit of the Lord God is on Me, because the Lord has anointed Me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted. ... to provide for those who mourn in Zion; to give them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, festive oil instead of mourning, and splendid clothes instead of despair."
If you have walked away from Jesus or have never turned to Him to begin with, 1 John 1:9 says "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." All unrighteousness - doesn't matter what it is or who you are - because HE is faithful and just.
I'll say one more thing and then I'll hop off my marriage soapbox for now. Girls, I used to be a bit sad that Pinterest wasn't around when I got married. (Geez. That kind of makes me feel old.) But you know what? GET OFF PINTEREST AND GET IN YOUR BIBLE. In today's culture, so much emphasis is placed on weddings. And they are beautiful and memorable and special. They also last 30 minutes to an hour. Guess what? After your wedding, you have a marriage. That guy you love so much? Next week, he's going to make you mad. What are you going to do with that? Tip: find a couple who has a growing marriage and ask them to be your friends! Spend time with them. Learn from their mistakes. Ask them to help you through yours. Trust me on this one.
The night Elisabeth and I had our conversation, Andrew was at Bible study. When he got home, we had an after-bedtime-at-home-date-night. That means we ate ice cream out of the containers and watched Newhart. We're cool like that. In 50 years, I still want to eat ice cream and watch Newhart with him. Bonus: in 50 years, we won't have to hide the ice cream and wait until after the kids are in bed to eat it! I'm looking forward to the rest of my journey with my husband - and I know the only way we will make it through is if there are three of us walking together: Jesus, Andrew, and me.
