Six weeks ago, I sat down to write. My heart was hurting, my eyes were wet, and my arms were empty. This morning, as I sit down to write, my eyes are still wet, but my heart is rejoicing and my arms are full. (Well, metaphorically speaking. It's hard to type while holding a baby. But I'm jumping ahead; let's back up.)
Seven weeks ago, we received a call that we would be getting a newborn girl the next day. An hour before we were going to leave to get her, it fell through. We had a crib set up and a diaper bag packed. All the grandparents were ready. Elisabeth was excited. And at the last minute, we lost what we never had. I was devastated.
After the initial shock and pain began to subside, God really began to work in my heart and show me a few things. I have been praying for another child in our family for 6 years. Andy and I have always felt called to adopt; many of you know this. But over the last few years, I found myself being very cautious in my prayers. I would ask for what my heart desired and immediately follow it with, "but whatever Your will is, God". It is fabulous to pray for God's will, but I was using it as a safety net. If God didn't answer, it wasn't His will. I didn't pray fervently or with belief, because if I did and He didn't answer the way I wanted, would my faith stand? Could I handle that? I didn't know and I was afraid to find out. So I prayed timidly, safely, and - unfortunately - ineffectively.
I joined a Bible study back in September, just a couple weeks before all of this happened. I wrestled with whether or not to do it; I knew it would be good, but it was one more time commitment. One more morning I would be out. One more thing on the schedule. It would require sacrifice on my part, but I decided to do it. And now, I am so glad I did. God placed me in this particular study, in my particular small group because He knew I would need it. (Case in point: there is another lady in my group who is using the same agency we are and who knows this process. The ladies who assigned us to our group had no idea we knew each other or what our circumstances were. Never doubt that God works in the details.)
During the lecture one morning, our leader said that prayer doesn't change the purposes of God, but it can sometimes change His actions. You can see this in Abraham's conversation with God regarding Sodom and Gomorrah (Genesis 18). I knew this to be true for the people in the Bible, but I had always been afraid to really try it out; again, what if He said no? I wasn't willing to risk that.
Then one Sunday morning, I was at church and for some reason, the image of Hannah pleading with God at the temple for a baby kept invading my thoughts. All I could think about was how passionately she must have been praying - after all, the priest thought she was drunk! (1 Samuel 1) I knew I wasn't praying that passionately and I knew it was time to change. I began praying over the crib and being gut-level honest with God. I figured He knew anyway, so I might as well voice it. I prayed that God would bring us a baby for our crib and that He would deliver this baby before Elisabeth's birthday. I told God how much I wanted a baby again - to snuggle and feed and kiss. And I asked Him if that was not His will for us, to please change my heart. I prayed. I reminded God of all the women in the Bible to whom He had given babies - babies who weren't expected or thought to be possible - Hannah, Rachel, Leah, Sarah, Elizabeth, Mary - any I could remember. I prayed for us, for a baby, for friends in tough situations. I have prayed in the last 6 weeks like I have never prayed in my life.
A couple of weeks ago, I was taking Elisabeth to school and my heart was just so heavy. I was praying for seemingly impossible situations to change and feeling discouraged and helpless. A Steven Curtis Chapman song ("Believe Me Now") came on; one of the lyrics is "I know all the fears you're feeling now, but do you remember who I AM?" He is the God of the impossible. I kept praying.
That Sunday, Andy stayed home from church because he wasn't feeling well. He had found an Andy Stanley sermon series, In the Meantime, and we watched one of them that afternoon. In the sermon, Andy talked about Jesus praying right before His arrest and crucifixion. Jesus prayed "Father, if You are willing, take this cup away from Me - nevertheless, not My will, but Yours, be done." (Luke 22:42) Jesus wasn't using that as His prayer safety net, either. He was praying so passionately, He sweat blood! (Luke 22:44) He trusted God's plan and goodness enough to be able to stand and obey even if God's will wasn't what He wanted. This same thing kept coming up over and over and God had my attention. I kept praying, more boldly, more passionately.
The next afternoon, we got another call. This time, a newborn boy. Twenty-three hours later, we brought him home from the hospital. I want to tell you, too, the route on which God placed us for adoption very rarely leads to newborns. In fact, it is almost unheard of. God is so gracious. I don't know why He chose to answer this prayer the way He did, but I am thankful and humbled. My faith has be bolstered and my prayer life will never be the same.
God is good. He is faithful. And His mercies are new every morning. This is true today and it was true seven weeks ago. It was true when my heart was on the floor and it is true now when my prayer has been answered.
One of my favorite things about this whole story is that God brought other people along with us to witness our miracle. Yesterday, a good friend told me she was teary when she received the text about our baby. She said, "I went home last Sunday and had a long talk with God about y'all", - and we got a baby two days later! She is just one of many who has prayed with and for us. So many people have been able to see God work in this, and I am so very thankful for that. I pray that others' faith will grow through this.
Please don't walk away from this believing I have said "whatever you pray for, God will give you!" What I am saying is this: take risks in your relationship with Him. Don't be afraid to ask the big things. What God desires is for us to walk closely with Him. He can handle our disappointments and hurts. He can handle it when we don't understand why His answer isn't what we wanted. But I can't know Him or His faithfulness, grace, and mercy fully if I hold Him at arms length, afraid to be disappointed. Please, Jesus, I don't want to go back.
Oh, and Elisabeth's birthday? Yeah, it's November 15th. God not only did the impossible by bringing us a baby, He also did it before my daughter's birthday. He chose to answer a specific prayer; He didn't have to and I am so undeserving. But He did it. And my heart, arms, and eyes are full.
Our journey is far from over; I know that. But I also know this: God is good - always. God is faithful - always. And, yes, His mercies are new every morning.
Monday, November 3, 2014
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Praising in the Shadows
I'm tired, I'm worn, my heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing
I've made mistakes, I've let my hope fail
My soul is crushed from the weight of this world
But I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left
From the work it takes to keep on breathing
I've made mistakes, I've let my hope fail
My soul is crushed from the weight of this world
But I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn
(Worn - Tenth Avenue North)
This is exactly how I feel today. Our family has had a difficult week. Within 24 hours, we went from elation and joy to disappointment and devastation. Behind the smiles you may see, there are tears just waiting in the background. There are heavy hearts. It's kinda different to mourn for something you never even had, but that's where we are right now. And it is hard.
In the middle of the pain, I am speaking {out loud} things I know to be true. In the shadows, it is easy to forget and hard to praise. So I have been reminding myself of the Truth and speaking the words. These are the truths I have been repeating all week long: God is good. God is faithful. His mercies are new every morning. Over and over throughout the day. God is good. God is faithful. His mercies are new every morning.
Another thing I know to be true is this: God has placed a distinct call on our family. Andy and I have known for ten years. And at this point, we believe we are pursuing that calling in the way in which He has led us. Hebrews 12:1 says, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." In the middle of the hurt, I want to run my race with perseverance. I want to throw off the anger and the bitterness and just run - and run well.
A couple years ago, Elisabeth's school hosted a 2 mile fun run. Andy and I signed up for it and at the very last possible minute, Elisabeth decided to do it, too. We set out and Elisabeth was so excited. Soon, however, the excitement wore off and our kindergartner decided she had had enough - so she sat down in the middle of the road. After much coaxing, we got her back on her feet and she finished. (Somehow or another, she ended up winning a medal in her age group. I didn't sit down in the road, but I didn't get a medal. Whatever. I'm not bitter.)
God has set this course before us and - as hard and painful as it might be some days - I don't want to sit down in defeat. I may slow down to a crawl, but I refuse to stop or to try to get on someone else's course. When it is over, I want so badly to be able say 2 Timothy 4:7, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."
We all have a calling to answer and a race to run. I want to complete mine. I will press on; there may will be more tears, but I will press on. I want to finish my race with my faith intact. My running mantra? You guessed it.
God is good. God is faithful. And, yes, His mercies ARE new every morning.
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
On Noonday and Why It's Fabulous
Welcome to the Fall 2014 Noonday Collection Blog Train! If you missed Laura's post yesterday, you can go read it here and have a chance to win the fabulous new Dainty Paper Beads. This afternoon, you can go read Lane's blog train post here and enter to win a Noonday gift voucher. I get to post this morning and I'm excited. Why? Mainly because I think it's a great way to start my birthday!!! (Truth be told, I'm pretty sure the fall line is my birthday present this year - and I couldn't be happier about that!)
One of my favorite things to do is spot Noonday on family and friends. It's so fun to see a cute scarf or a gorgeous necklace on someone and know that they are wearing something that creates economic opportunity for others around the world.
I talk about Noonday a LOT - on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram - and even in real live conversations! And if you are following the blog train, you've heard many other ambassadors talk about Noonday - why we love it, how cool it is, and all that other stuff. I mean, it's all true, but of course we're going to say that - we're ambassadors! Today, I'd like to let a few others do some "talking" about Noonday. These are real customers and not actors, so you can trust them. ;)
One of my favorite things to do is spot Noonday on family and friends. It's so fun to see a cute scarf or a gorgeous necklace on someone and know that they are wearing something that creates economic opportunity for others around the world.
I talk about Noonday a LOT - on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram - and even in real live conversations! And if you are following the blog train, you've heard many other ambassadors talk about Noonday - why we love it, how cool it is, and all that other stuff. I mean, it's all true, but of course we're going to say that - we're ambassadors! Today, I'd like to let a few others do some "talking" about Noonday. These are real customers and not actors, so you can trust them. ;)
These are my friends Kerri, Courtney, and Brittney (left to right). They have each purchased a few Noonday pieces and have hosted a trunk show together. Kerri says silver hoops are her trademark and loves the clustered hoops because they are sparkly. :) (She just found a new hoop in our fall line to add to her collection - the beautiful Lunar Hoops!) Courtney on the Funky Paper Bead necklace: "I like it because it is colorful and unique just like me. And I like wearing Noonday because each piece has its own story and you think about the artisans who made each piece and their stories." And Brittney (sporting Annie's Feathered earrings and the Serengeti necklace) thinks Noonday is awesome because "it cares for people and the planet at the same time - and is super cute! Statement jewelry shouldn't come at the price of someone's life or our planet's resources."
This is my friend Jennifer and her daughter Sarah. Jennifer is one of my biggest Noonday cheerleaders and Sarah is hilarious. :) They like Noonday because they are able to help people they wouldn't otherwise be able to help and Jennifer likes the paper bead necklaces in particular because they are light and don't weigh her down by the end of the day. (Fashion shouldn't be painful!) Sarah is wearing some of my all time favorites - the Rockstar Orange necklace and the Brightly Wound Color Wrap in coral.
So that's what just a handful of my friends have to say about Noonday. And since this is my blog, I'm going to add my own two cents. Because I can. Ha! One of the biggest reasons I love Noonday is because it is NOT a charity. Now - listen to me - Noonday does some charitable work, and charities are awesome. Interest-free loans, emergency medical assistance, education scholarships - we do those things. But those are extracurricular, if you will. Noonday Collection's main purpose is to partner with artisans who are already creating beautiful and unique pieces and provide them with a marketplace in which to sell their work. This creates a sustainable and dignified way to earn an income. People in all over the world have an incredible, God-given talent for creating products others will love - but have no way of connecting to the customer. Enter the Noonday Collection home office and the ever-growing sisterhood of ambassadors. Everyone wins. You and I get fantastic accessories and can rest knowing it was produced ethically and fairly. The artisans get the satisfaction of handcrafting pieces that people love and the joy of being able to provide for themselves and their families.
I love Noonday. I love advocating for our artisans. I love showing others how easy it really is to make a lasting difference in another person's life. So - I may ask you to host a trunk show. I may tell you I have a necklace that made me think of you or a bag that would look fabulous on your arm. Why? I have chosen to be a voice in my community, in my small circle of influence. If you are like me, you can be overwhelmed by the poverty and trafficking in the world. You hear about it and want to help, but it seems so big and so scary and so out of reach. The unknowns and enormity of the issues are crippling. But it doesn't have to be. Yes, there are many big things that can and need to be done. But I, along with all my sister Noonday ambassadors, want you to know this: even little changes/purchases/decisions make a huge difference. That is why I am an ambassador and why I have chosen to be a voice - and why I think EVERYONE would look fantastic in our new Black Diamond earrings. Or one of my favorite necklaces from the new line, Liberte. I'm planning on wearing Liberte quite a bit this football season - with a few other pieces, of course!
Because I love you so much and because I think everyone needs Noonday, I am giving away a $25 Noonday Collection gift voucher to one of my readers! To enter to win, simply comment on this blog with your favorite Noonday piece. For an extra entry, share this blog post on your Facebook wall (comment and let me know you did it!). A winner will be selected on Monday, August 25th.
Thanks for stopping by my blog. Feel free to go to my website - www.jenniferhostetler.noondaycollection.com - and check out all of our new line (and some not-so-new favorites)! Happy Noonday shopping!!!
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Now, this is a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down...
Welcome to the next stop on the Noonday Blog Train! I hope you have enjoyed reading about Noonday and my fellow ambassadors - and the give-aways, of course! (My give-away and the links to the blogs before and after this one are at the end of today's post. But surely you won't skip to the end, right? Of course not!) Today, I'm going to tell you the story of how I heard about and decided to partner with Noonday by becoming an ambassador. Some of you have heard parts of this, but just humor me. :) Let's start at the very beginning...
The beginning of this story takes us back to November 2012. I went to Dallas to the Right Now conference with a few friends. While God used literally EVERY session to speak exactly what I needed to hear, one session in particular stood out. Some chick with whom I was totally unfamiliar was the speaker - Jen Hatmaker. (Little did I know I would become VERY FAMILIAR with her or that God was going to use her and her story to make a rather large impact on my life - and on my family.) I don't even remember the title of the breakout session she led. I just remember the content: she felt like she spent her time serving saved people and blessing blessed people. And I sat there nodding my head and thinking, "Me, too..."
Here's the deal: I wasn't doing anything wrong. The problem was this - by the end of the day/week/month, I had NOTHING left to give ANYONE. At the time of the conference, I was holding down my regular part time job and an interim full time job, and was just beginning to get my feet wet as the head of a seasonal ministry at our church. The nature of my job had me busy most of the week and every weekend. My husband teaches school. (And if you really think that means he only works until 3 in the afternoon Monday-Friday 9 months out of the year, I triple dog dare you to say that to a teacher or a teacher's spouse. For real.) On top of the regular teacher stuff, his school had just switched to block scheduling, so EVERYONE was in upheaval. Also, our daughter had just begun kindergarten - her first time to be anywhere five days a week. We had absolutely no margin as far as time or energy went.
In her session, Jen talked about how her family had begun to push back on some of the things that demanded and took her family's attention/time/resources/etc. Thus began her 7 experiment - a deliberate cutting back of excess in 7 areas. I bought her book, 7, and devoured it. In January 2013, Andy and I began our own 7 experiment. It sounds all cool and spiritual, but let me tell you - it was HARD. Very hard. And very worth it. What we discovered over the next several months of our 7 experiment is that when you create margin in your life - in any area - all the sudden you can hear and see the things God is trying to reveal to you. Jen Hatmaker isn't a magician and 7 isn't a magic spell. But when you create space and are able to REALLY hear God, your life will change.
By March, my heart was restless. I knew I wanted to be doing something different, reaching out to a group that didn't look/live like me. I also knew I couldn't add anything else to my schedule and still maintain a healthy family life. Andy and I attended a Lifeway Festival of Marriage and I met a Noonday Collection ambassador - Cara Coleman. I had never heard of Noonday, but as I learned about this company that creates dignified employment opportunities for artisans all over the world, I fell in love. I asked Cara to come do a trunk show at my house and by the time we had it, I was ready to sign up to be an ambassador.
I resigned from my job at the beginning of May. (Mind you, I didn't resign to BE an ambassador; I resigned to be able to spend more time taking care of the home front and to be ready when DHS calls and says they have a child for our family to adopt. We're still waiting on that to happen, but we're as ready as we can be when it does!) As I resigned and finished out my job, I jumped on the Noonday Collection wagon. I view Noonday as not only a job, but a ministry. Through Noonday, I am able to:
*educate myself and those around me about the possibilities of fair trade and the realities modern day slavery.
*partner with hostesses and ambassadors I wouldn't have had the opportunity to meet and work with otherwise.
*help families raise money for their adoptions.
*help create a marketplace for handmade items that gives people around the world a job that enables them to care for their families and keep them intact.
I believe God introduced me to Noonday Collection as a way to be the hands and feet of Christ - to the people right here around me as well as to those spread out all over the world. I love sharing about the mission and work of Noonday with others. I love telling them that, really, one purchase does matter. I love getting to share that one of the artisan groups we work with has Bible study every morning and people are not only earning an income but are hearing the Gospel!
So - when you see me at church, school, Target, wherever - I might tell you all about my beloved Kismet bag from India or my Orange Blossom bracelet (affectionately referred to by me as my Bob Newhart bracelet). I might invite you to a trunk show or even ask you to host one. I might tell you I have some fabulous ideas for Mother's Day for your mom/wife/grandmother. Why? Because this work is important. Because there are real faces of real people whose lives have literally been changed because of your purchases. Because one choice really CAN make a difference.
My 7 year old daughter absolutely loves Noonday Collection - and not just because of the fun jewelry she always begs to wear! She gets it. How do I know? This is how I know:
(It says "Noonday is a blessing from God. You are serving God with Noonday!" She wrote that all on her own and brought it to me. I just love that kid.)
My friend and fellow ambassador, Ariel Allen, and I are on a mission to make Noonday a household name in Northeast Arkansas. You can learn a little about us on our websites (www.jenniferhostetler.noondaycollection.com and www.arielallen.noondaycollection.com). We would love to partner with you and hang out with your friends at a trunk show! While you are checking your calendar and making a list of all your friends and neighbors, make sure you enter my give-away! I will be giving a gorgeous Marina clutch - made {with love} by a group of artisans in India with upcycled VHS tapes - to one lucky reader! To enter, simply leave a comment under this post OR on my Facebook post where I have shared it. Bonus: for an extra entry in the drawing, share it to YOUR Facebook page! My beautiful 7 year old Noonday Elf will draw the winner's name next Thursday, March 27th.
Make sure you go read Emily's post from yesterday and Katie's post tomorrow!
Thanks for dropping by and I hope to meet you here again soon!
The beginning of this story takes us back to November 2012. I went to Dallas to the Right Now conference with a few friends. While God used literally EVERY session to speak exactly what I needed to hear, one session in particular stood out. Some chick with whom I was totally unfamiliar was the speaker - Jen Hatmaker. (Little did I know I would become VERY FAMILIAR with her or that God was going to use her and her story to make a rather large impact on my life - and on my family.) I don't even remember the title of the breakout session she led. I just remember the content: she felt like she spent her time serving saved people and blessing blessed people. And I sat there nodding my head and thinking, "Me, too..."
Here's the deal: I wasn't doing anything wrong. The problem was this - by the end of the day/week/month, I had NOTHING left to give ANYONE. At the time of the conference, I was holding down my regular part time job and an interim full time job, and was just beginning to get my feet wet as the head of a seasonal ministry at our church. The nature of my job had me busy most of the week and every weekend. My husband teaches school. (And if you really think that means he only works until 3 in the afternoon Monday-Friday 9 months out of the year, I triple dog dare you to say that to a teacher or a teacher's spouse. For real.) On top of the regular teacher stuff, his school had just switched to block scheduling, so EVERYONE was in upheaval. Also, our daughter had just begun kindergarten - her first time to be anywhere five days a week. We had absolutely no margin as far as time or energy went.
In her session, Jen talked about how her family had begun to push back on some of the things that demanded and took her family's attention/time/resources/etc. Thus began her 7 experiment - a deliberate cutting back of excess in 7 areas. I bought her book, 7, and devoured it. In January 2013, Andy and I began our own 7 experiment. It sounds all cool and spiritual, but let me tell you - it was HARD. Very hard. And very worth it. What we discovered over the next several months of our 7 experiment is that when you create margin in your life - in any area - all the sudden you can hear and see the things God is trying to reveal to you. Jen Hatmaker isn't a magician and 7 isn't a magic spell. But when you create space and are able to REALLY hear God, your life will change.
By March, my heart was restless. I knew I wanted to be doing something different, reaching out to a group that didn't look/live like me. I also knew I couldn't add anything else to my schedule and still maintain a healthy family life. Andy and I attended a Lifeway Festival of Marriage and I met a Noonday Collection ambassador - Cara Coleman. I had never heard of Noonday, but as I learned about this company that creates dignified employment opportunities for artisans all over the world, I fell in love. I asked Cara to come do a trunk show at my house and by the time we had it, I was ready to sign up to be an ambassador.
I resigned from my job at the beginning of May. (Mind you, I didn't resign to BE an ambassador; I resigned to be able to spend more time taking care of the home front and to be ready when DHS calls and says they have a child for our family to adopt. We're still waiting on that to happen, but we're as ready as we can be when it does!) As I resigned and finished out my job, I jumped on the Noonday Collection wagon. I view Noonday as not only a job, but a ministry. Through Noonday, I am able to:
*educate myself and those around me about the possibilities of fair trade and the realities modern day slavery.
*partner with hostesses and ambassadors I wouldn't have had the opportunity to meet and work with otherwise.
*help families raise money for their adoptions.
*help create a marketplace for handmade items that gives people around the world a job that enables them to care for their families and keep them intact.
I believe God introduced me to Noonday Collection as a way to be the hands and feet of Christ - to the people right here around me as well as to those spread out all over the world. I love sharing about the mission and work of Noonday with others. I love telling them that, really, one purchase does matter. I love getting to share that one of the artisan groups we work with has Bible study every morning and people are not only earning an income but are hearing the Gospel!
So - when you see me at church, school, Target, wherever - I might tell you all about my beloved Kismet bag from India or my Orange Blossom bracelet (affectionately referred to by me as my Bob Newhart bracelet). I might invite you to a trunk show or even ask you to host one. I might tell you I have some fabulous ideas for Mother's Day for your mom/wife/grandmother. Why? Because this work is important. Because there are real faces of real people whose lives have literally been changed because of your purchases. Because one choice really CAN make a difference.
My 7 year old daughter absolutely loves Noonday Collection - and not just because of the fun jewelry she always begs to wear! She gets it. How do I know? This is how I know:
(It says "Noonday is a blessing from God. You are serving God with Noonday!" She wrote that all on her own and brought it to me. I just love that kid.)
My friend and fellow ambassador, Ariel Allen, and I are on a mission to make Noonday a household name in Northeast Arkansas. You can learn a little about us on our websites (www.jenniferhostetler.noondaycollection.com and www.arielallen.noondaycollection.com). We would love to partner with you and hang out with your friends at a trunk show! While you are checking your calendar and making a list of all your friends and neighbors, make sure you enter my give-away! I will be giving a gorgeous Marina clutch - made {with love} by a group of artisans in India with upcycled VHS tapes - to one lucky reader! To enter, simply leave a comment under this post OR on my Facebook post where I have shared it. Bonus: for an extra entry in the drawing, share it to YOUR Facebook page! My beautiful 7 year old Noonday Elf will draw the winner's name next Thursday, March 27th.
Make sure you go read Emily's post from yesterday and Katie's post tomorrow!
Thanks for dropping by and I hope to meet you here again soon!
Monday, February 24, 2014
This Time, I Will Praise The Lord
Leah. One of the most pitied women in Scripture. The older, less desirable sister. Given in marriage disguised as the younger, beautiful sister, Rachel. In a seemingly unending race to be the best and most loved with Rachel. I can't read her story without feeling her pain.
Genesis 29:31-33: "When the Lord saw that Leah was unloved, He opened her womb; but Rachel was unable to conceive. Leah conceived, gave birth to a son, and named him Reuben (he has seen my misery), for she said, 'The Lord has seen my affliction; surely my husband will love me now'. She conceived again, gave birth to a son, and said, 'The Lord has heard that I am unloved and has given me this son also.' So she named him Simeon (he has heard). She conceived again, gave birth to a son, and said, 'At last my husband will become attached to me because I have borne three sons for him.' Therefore he was named Levi (he will join)."
Leah wasn't happy in her circumstances. Her relationships were broken and screwy. She desperately wanted them to change, as is shown even in her boys' names. She was unsettled and longed for approval and love.
The last week or so, I have been wrestling with something I've wrestled in the past: being disappointed by another person. This is something we all deal with, be it a spouse or a child, an employer or employee, a friend or a coworker. I have allowed it to consume me. All the emotions - hurt, anger, sadness - would just take over. I'd plead with God to fix it, remove it, or whatever else I felt justified in asking regarding "it". It would weigh me down and cripple me for days, sometimes weeks, at a time.
But this time is different. I was reading in Jesus Calling (Sarah Young) yesterday (catching up a bit, to be perfectly honest) - and came across this: "Trust and thankfulness will get you through this day.Trust protects you from worrying and obsessing. Thankfulness keeps you from criticizing and complaining: those 'sister sins' that so easily entangle you." (Jesus Calling, February 21)
Back to Leah. Genesis 29:35 says, "And she conceived again, gave birth to a son, and said, 'This time I will praise the Lord.' Therefore she named him Judah (to praise)."
You know what? I have tried to fix things on my own. I have taken it upon myself to inflict punishment on others. You know what else? Those things don't work. Maybe they hide the issue for a while or make me feel "better" or in control. But they don't work in the long run. Only the Holy Spirit works in the long run.
This time, I will praise the Lord.
I decided yesterday morning I was not going to let another person's decisions or actions interfere with my relationship with Christ. I wasn't going to dwell on the situation. I wasn't going to give in to anger. I wanted to just fix my eyes on Christ, forgive, and move forward. The hurt was still there, but my heart was at peace because it was resting in my Savior Who will never let me down or disappoint. (And of course, as always seems to happen, God gave one more push in this direction through last night's sermon. Okay, God, I hear you!)
A friend said something the other day that really resonated with me. When someone hurts us or disappoints us, we have the opportunity to practice being like Jesus. We can forgive and wipe the slate clean.
So here's the deal: I am human and I offend and sin, too. I have been forgiven by my Savior. Who am I to withhold forgiveness from others? It is never my job to "teach someone a lesson" or to punish others for sin. (It IS my job to discipline my child, but that's another thing altogether.) It is not my job to hold something over another person's head or to manipulate relationships based on what I think I deserve. If I look in the mirror, I can see all too clearly what I deserve. Christ has withheld that from me and offered forgiveness instead. Praise Jesus! As my friend so perfectly put it, I want to practice being like Jesus. It is my job to forgive, to show grace as I have been shown grace.
I will be hurt again, by many people. It's the nature of our fallen world. And I will hurt others and need to ask their forgiveness and grace. From now on, I want my response to be, "This time I will praise the Lord." Every day. Every time. I can choose to praise. I can choose to let God use my hurts and failures to grow me in my walk with Him. This time I will praise the Lord.
"Let the ruins come to life
in the beauty of Your name,
rising up from the ashes.
God forever You reign.
And my soul will find refuge
in the shadow of Your wings.
I will love You forever
and forever I'll sing"
Glorious Ruins - Hillsong
Hear the whole song here
Genesis 29:31-33: "When the Lord saw that Leah was unloved, He opened her womb; but Rachel was unable to conceive. Leah conceived, gave birth to a son, and named him Reuben (he has seen my misery), for she said, 'The Lord has seen my affliction; surely my husband will love me now'. She conceived again, gave birth to a son, and said, 'The Lord has heard that I am unloved and has given me this son also.' So she named him Simeon (he has heard). She conceived again, gave birth to a son, and said, 'At last my husband will become attached to me because I have borne three sons for him.' Therefore he was named Levi (he will join)."
Leah wasn't happy in her circumstances. Her relationships were broken and screwy. She desperately wanted them to change, as is shown even in her boys' names. She was unsettled and longed for approval and love.
The last week or so, I have been wrestling with something I've wrestled in the past: being disappointed by another person. This is something we all deal with, be it a spouse or a child, an employer or employee, a friend or a coworker. I have allowed it to consume me. All the emotions - hurt, anger, sadness - would just take over. I'd plead with God to fix it, remove it, or whatever else I felt justified in asking regarding "it". It would weigh me down and cripple me for days, sometimes weeks, at a time.
But this time is different. I was reading in Jesus Calling (Sarah Young) yesterday (catching up a bit, to be perfectly honest) - and came across this: "Trust and thankfulness will get you through this day.Trust protects you from worrying and obsessing. Thankfulness keeps you from criticizing and complaining: those 'sister sins' that so easily entangle you." (Jesus Calling, February 21)
Back to Leah. Genesis 29:35 says, "And she conceived again, gave birth to a son, and said, 'This time I will praise the Lord.' Therefore she named him Judah (to praise)."
You know what? I have tried to fix things on my own. I have taken it upon myself to inflict punishment on others. You know what else? Those things don't work. Maybe they hide the issue for a while or make me feel "better" or in control. But they don't work in the long run. Only the Holy Spirit works in the long run.
This time, I will praise the Lord.
I decided yesterday morning I was not going to let another person's decisions or actions interfere with my relationship with Christ. I wasn't going to dwell on the situation. I wasn't going to give in to anger. I wanted to just fix my eyes on Christ, forgive, and move forward. The hurt was still there, but my heart was at peace because it was resting in my Savior Who will never let me down or disappoint. (And of course, as always seems to happen, God gave one more push in this direction through last night's sermon. Okay, God, I hear you!)
A friend said something the other day that really resonated with me. When someone hurts us or disappoints us, we have the opportunity to practice being like Jesus. We can forgive and wipe the slate clean.
So here's the deal: I am human and I offend and sin, too. I have been forgiven by my Savior. Who am I to withhold forgiveness from others? It is never my job to "teach someone a lesson" or to punish others for sin. (It IS my job to discipline my child, but that's another thing altogether.) It is not my job to hold something over another person's head or to manipulate relationships based on what I think I deserve. If I look in the mirror, I can see all too clearly what I deserve. Christ has withheld that from me and offered forgiveness instead. Praise Jesus! As my friend so perfectly put it, I want to practice being like Jesus. It is my job to forgive, to show grace as I have been shown grace.
I will be hurt again, by many people. It's the nature of our fallen world. And I will hurt others and need to ask their forgiveness and grace. From now on, I want my response to be, "This time I will praise the Lord." Every day. Every time. I can choose to praise. I can choose to let God use my hurts and failures to grow me in my walk with Him. This time I will praise the Lord.
"Let the ruins come to life
in the beauty of Your name,
rising up from the ashes.
God forever You reign.
And my soul will find refuge
in the shadow of Your wings.
I will love You forever
and forever I'll sing"
Glorious Ruins - Hillsong
Hear the whole song here
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
The Comparison Stops Here (at least...it starts stopping here...)
So, I have a lot going on in my head right now and I'm trying to determine if it all REALLY goes together in a blog post or if I need to make separate posts. I guess we'll just see what happens.
A couple days ago, our family watched a sermon together over lunch. It's a three part series and I'm anxious to move on to the next part - but I have some wrestling to do with this one first. It was entitled "The Comparison Trap: The Land of Er" (Andy Stanley). The essence of it is that we, as humans, tend to look to the left and right - at everyone else - to determine if we are good enough. "Are they better? Am I skinnier? They are richer. I am nicer." And on and on and on it goes. And you know what? It stinks. If someone else is "better", I get depressed. If I'm "better", I get self-righteous. Either way, it's ugly.
It shows up everywhere. At school. At the gym. At work. At church. On Facebook. I can let a total stranger or a best friend determine how I see myself. Of course, that means my thoughts and moods swing based on the voice to which I'm currently listening. (My family loves this. No, for real. Okay, fine. So, not so much.)
All the while, I am ignoring the most important opinion: the one of the Creator Who made me. What would happen if, instead of looking to the left and right to determine my standing, I looked to Christ and the truth of God's Word? My guess is I would be more content and humble. More likely to be driven to change the undesirable aspects than to be beaten down by them. This kind of goes along with my last post. Apparently, God is really trying to teach me some things. :) And I'm trying to learn. I want the loudest voice in my head to be His. I want to know at the beginning of the day my goal is to serve and please Him. And I want to know at the end of the day, that despite the day's failures, He was my top priority and I can rest knowing I am loved as His daughter.
If you're brave enough (ha!) to watch and have your toes stomped on, you can find the series here. (And if it doesn't seem too bad at the beginning, just hang on. The questions at the end are killer. Geez.)
I think that's enough for now, but I do have a fun announcement! Noonday Collection's spring line launches THIS week on Thursday, February 20th! To celebrate, there will be a 40 day Noonday Collection ambassador "Blog Train". Each day, a different ambassador will post a blog and host a giveaway! Yes! That means if you follow along, you will have 40 opportunities to win some free Noonday!!! The first blog - on Thursday - will be hosted by Wynne Elder (www.theelderadventurers.com). Each ambassador will post a link to the previous blogger and the next blogger. So jump on board! Read about other people who are just as passionate about the mission of Noonday Collection as I am! And maybe win some Noonday in the process! :) (My blog date is March 20th and I'll be giving away a super cute clutch {made with love} in India out of - get this - upcycled VHS and cassette tapes!)
If, by chance, you are new to Noonday Collection, allow me to talk about it briefly. (I mean, it's my blog, so...yeah.) Noonday uses fashion and design to create employment opportunities around the world. We work with artisan groups in over ten countries and purchases made through Noonday are fair-trade, handmade, and have (literally) enabled families and communities to rise above poverty.
So - check out Noonday at www.jenniferhostetler.noondaycollection.com or at my friend Ariel's site, www.arielallen.noondaycollection.com. Get ready for the spring launch and the 40 days of prizes! If you are wanting to see some of the pieces in person, I have a trunk show Thursday you can attend or Ariel and I would be more than happy to let you look at our samples (or talk with you about hosting your own trunk show!). You can email us at jennifer.noondaycollection@gmail.com or ariel.noondaycollection@gmail.com for details.
Gaa! All the excitement of the week is almost too much! (I also found out today that the final two seasons of the Bob Newhart Show will be released on DVD in May. But that's another blog entirely...) See you back here soon!!!
A couple days ago, our family watched a sermon together over lunch. It's a three part series and I'm anxious to move on to the next part - but I have some wrestling to do with this one first. It was entitled "The Comparison Trap: The Land of Er" (Andy Stanley). The essence of it is that we, as humans, tend to look to the left and right - at everyone else - to determine if we are good enough. "Are they better? Am I skinnier? They are richer. I am nicer." And on and on and on it goes. And you know what? It stinks. If someone else is "better", I get depressed. If I'm "better", I get self-righteous. Either way, it's ugly.
It shows up everywhere. At school. At the gym. At work. At church. On Facebook. I can let a total stranger or a best friend determine how I see myself. Of course, that means my thoughts and moods swing based on the voice to which I'm currently listening. (My family loves this. No, for real. Okay, fine. So, not so much.)
All the while, I am ignoring the most important opinion: the one of the Creator Who made me. What would happen if, instead of looking to the left and right to determine my standing, I looked to Christ and the truth of God's Word? My guess is I would be more content and humble. More likely to be driven to change the undesirable aspects than to be beaten down by them. This kind of goes along with my last post. Apparently, God is really trying to teach me some things. :) And I'm trying to learn. I want the loudest voice in my head to be His. I want to know at the beginning of the day my goal is to serve and please Him. And I want to know at the end of the day, that despite the day's failures, He was my top priority and I can rest knowing I am loved as His daughter.
If you're brave enough (ha!) to watch and have your toes stomped on, you can find the series here. (And if it doesn't seem too bad at the beginning, just hang on. The questions at the end are killer. Geez.)
I think that's enough for now, but I do have a fun announcement! Noonday Collection's spring line launches THIS week on Thursday, February 20th! To celebrate, there will be a 40 day Noonday Collection ambassador "Blog Train". Each day, a different ambassador will post a blog and host a giveaway! Yes! That means if you follow along, you will have 40 opportunities to win some free Noonday!!! The first blog - on Thursday - will be hosted by Wynne Elder (www.theelderadventurers.com). Each ambassador will post a link to the previous blogger and the next blogger. So jump on board! Read about other people who are just as passionate about the mission of Noonday Collection as I am! And maybe win some Noonday in the process! :) (My blog date is March 20th and I'll be giving away a super cute clutch {made with love} in India out of - get this - upcycled VHS and cassette tapes!)
If, by chance, you are new to Noonday Collection, allow me to talk about it briefly. (I mean, it's my blog, so...yeah.) Noonday uses fashion and design to create employment opportunities around the world. We work with artisan groups in over ten countries and purchases made through Noonday are fair-trade, handmade, and have (literally) enabled families and communities to rise above poverty.
So - check out Noonday at www.jenniferhostetler.noondaycollection.com or at my friend Ariel's site, www.arielallen.noondaycollection.com. Get ready for the spring launch and the 40 days of prizes! If you are wanting to see some of the pieces in person, I have a trunk show Thursday you can attend or Ariel and I would be more than happy to let you look at our samples (or talk with you about hosting your own trunk show!). You can email us at jennifer.noondaycollection@gmail.com or ariel.noondaycollection@gmail.com for details.
Gaa! All the excitement of the week is almost too much! (I also found out today that the final two seasons of the Bob Newhart Show will be released on DVD in May. But that's another blog entirely...) See you back here soon!!!
Thursday, January 23, 2014
On My Inadequacies as a Wife, Mom, and Housekeeper
"A thousand times I fail, still Your mercies remain.
And should I stumble again, still I'm caught in Your grace." (Inside Out, Hillsong)
We sang this in worship Sunday morning, and it was exactly the reminder I needed. I had been in a pretty grey place emotionally and spiritually for a few days and wasn't able to clearly put it in words until Friday night. I finally looked at Andy and said, "I had 72 hours without mom responsibilities. Elisabeth has been in school every day. And I am STILL ready to turn in my mom card!" Don't get me wrong - Elisabeth is a great kid. But she's still a kid and sometimes our personalities and ideas of how things should be going get in the way of our getting along. (And we all know that kids save their...ahem...best...behaviors for their parents.) I couldn't figure out exactly what was going on with me, though. Why wasn't I handling this better? I was rested and should have been "on top of my game" - at least, that what I told myself. After chatting with a few friends, the light bulb came on. It all began to surface and it wasn't pretty. Elisabeth went to bed and I had some time to think it over. I told Andy, "I stink as a stay at home mom. My house isn't clean. I only cooked once or twice this week. It appears I've done absolutely nothing when, in fact, I've actually been quite busy. And to top it off, I can't go 20 minutes without getting into a fight with our ONE kid!"
This is how I had been feeling for days and I had let it weigh me down. It's interesting to me how I can allow myself to lose sight of Christ and only focus on my failures. What DID I do last week? Among other things:
- I drove my sick husband an hour and a half to a class he needed to attend and then entertained an energetic 7 year old while he was in class. Oh, and a migraine started while he was in class. So I did most of the entertaining with a pounding head.
- I tackled two very scary closets in our house and have begun compiling for a yard sale. (As a side note, if any of my yard sale hosting friends are planning one soon, let me know...)
- I spent a couple afternoons with my 92 year old great aunt who is steadily declining . I treasure my time with her and try to make it a priority to be with her during the week.
- I cleaned the house and did the laundry. And everyone was fed.
- I got Elisabeth to school, dressed and fed, on time. (Sounds easier than it is; waking her is like trying to get a bear out of hibernation early. I dread the teenage years.) Also, her homework was completed and we even got to have family game time.
The truth is that I DID accomplish things last week. However, I didn't get as much done as Iwanted expected and it frustrated me. I was annoyed that I was exhausted all week and was having a hard time staying awake. Looking back, I know why. I was pretty sick during most of the Christmas break but we were traveling during most of it as well and I didn't get the rest I needed. Also, I had two migraines last week; not only do they hinder me while I have them, but they leave me drained for 12-24 hours afterward. Why was I unable to extend grace to myself? (And am I the only one who struggles with this???)
See, I let it play out all wrong last week. I snapped at Elisabeth. Instead of "a thousand times I fail, still Your mercy remains", I let "you're a crappy mom AND your house is a mess" play in my head. Over and over. And you know what? By the end of the week, I believed it. And it showed. I was exhausted - not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually, too. I had listened to the wrong voice - my own - and not the voice of my Creator. He tells me He has begun a good work and will be faithful to finish it (Philippians 1:6). He tells me His love is steadfast and His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23).
Did I fail last week? Yes. Did I sin against my husband and daughtera few times a lot? Yes. Am I the worst wife/mother/housekeeper to ever step foot on this planet? No. I am a daughter of the King who needs to begin listening to His voice more than her own. I need put more effort into following Him than into meeting my own expectations of myself. You know what? I am not enough. But I know the One who is. And He desires to work through me - weaknesses, failures, and all.
So, if anyone else can relate to this, let's forget the "you're a crappy mom" song and replace it with one that declares truth.
"In Christ alone, my hope is found.
He is my light, my strength, my song.
This Cornerstone, this solid ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand.
No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the Power of Christ in me.
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand.
'Til He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand."
(In Christ Alone, Townend)
*watch/listen here*
And should I stumble again, still I'm caught in Your grace." (Inside Out, Hillsong)
We sang this in worship Sunday morning, and it was exactly the reminder I needed. I had been in a pretty grey place emotionally and spiritually for a few days and wasn't able to clearly put it in words until Friday night. I finally looked at Andy and said, "I had 72 hours without mom responsibilities. Elisabeth has been in school every day. And I am STILL ready to turn in my mom card!" Don't get me wrong - Elisabeth is a great kid. But she's still a kid and sometimes our personalities and ideas of how things should be going get in the way of our getting along. (And we all know that kids save their...ahem...best...behaviors for their parents.) I couldn't figure out exactly what was going on with me, though. Why wasn't I handling this better? I was rested and should have been "on top of my game" - at least, that what I told myself. After chatting with a few friends, the light bulb came on. It all began to surface and it wasn't pretty. Elisabeth went to bed and I had some time to think it over. I told Andy, "I stink as a stay at home mom. My house isn't clean. I only cooked once or twice this week. It appears I've done absolutely nothing when, in fact, I've actually been quite busy. And to top it off, I can't go 20 minutes without getting into a fight with our ONE kid!"
This is how I had been feeling for days and I had let it weigh me down. It's interesting to me how I can allow myself to lose sight of Christ and only focus on my failures. What DID I do last week? Among other things:
- I drove my sick husband an hour and a half to a class he needed to attend and then entertained an energetic 7 year old while he was in class. Oh, and a migraine started while he was in class. So I did most of the entertaining with a pounding head.
- I tackled two very scary closets in our house and have begun compiling for a yard sale. (As a side note, if any of my yard sale hosting friends are planning one soon, let me know...)
- I spent a couple afternoons with my 92 year old great aunt who is steadily declining . I treasure my time with her and try to make it a priority to be with her during the week.
- I cleaned the house and did the laundry. And everyone was fed.
- I got Elisabeth to school, dressed and fed, on time. (Sounds easier than it is; waking her is like trying to get a bear out of hibernation early. I dread the teenage years.) Also, her homework was completed and we even got to have family game time.
The truth is that I DID accomplish things last week. However, I didn't get as much done as I
See, I let it play out all wrong last week. I snapped at Elisabeth. Instead of "a thousand times I fail, still Your mercy remains", I let "you're a crappy mom AND your house is a mess" play in my head. Over and over. And you know what? By the end of the week, I believed it. And it showed. I was exhausted - not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually, too. I had listened to the wrong voice - my own - and not the voice of my Creator. He tells me He has begun a good work and will be faithful to finish it (Philippians 1:6). He tells me His love is steadfast and His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23).
Did I fail last week? Yes. Did I sin against my husband and daughter
So, if anyone else can relate to this, let's forget the "you're a crappy mom" song and replace it with one that declares truth.
"In Christ alone, my hope is found.
He is my light, my strength, my song.
This Cornerstone, this solid ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand.
No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the Power of Christ in me.
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand.
'Til He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand."
(In Christ Alone, Townend)
*watch/listen here*
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Marriage: A Look Back at the First Ten Years
Today, Andy and I are celebrating our tenth wedding anniversary. I won't get all mushy-gushy here; I'll save that for a Facebook status or something. ;) Instead, I'd like to share a little bit of what I have learned about marriage over the last decade. I realize that ten years pales in comparison to, say, 30 or 50 years. That being said, we know couples who haven't made it this far and it is disheartening. I hope I can offer encouragement (and maybe a little wisdom) to other couples.
A fairly common misconception among some of our friends and acquaintances is that Andy and I get along so well and our marriage has been a cakewalk. Perhaps a few small bumps here and there, but nothing really of any consequence. So it's natural for us to be happy and in love. It's easy.
False. We've had some major bumps and issues to deal with and overcome. Here are a few examples:
1. Make Christ the center. It sounds so trite, but I can't stress this enough. If both spouses are following Christ and walking with Him daily, just about everything else falls in place after it. This is as simple as it is scary. See, I can't control Andy's walk with Christ. I can only make sure I am doing what I need to do. Our worst times have been when one (or both) of us has neglected our time with Him. When I am spending time in the Word and walking closely with Christ, He works through me. When both Andy and I are doing this consistently and well, our home is happy and peaceful. I can't express how thankful I am to have a husband who loves Jesus and leads our family to do the same.
A fairly common misconception among some of our friends and acquaintances is that Andy and I get along so well and our marriage has been a cakewalk. Perhaps a few small bumps here and there, but nothing really of any consequence. So it's natural for us to be happy and in love. It's easy.
False. We've had some major bumps and issues to deal with and overcome. Here are a few examples:
- My parents separated and divorced shortly after we got married. Andy's parents were already divorced. Our first Christmas as a married couple had us making more Christmas rounds than you can shake a stick at.
- When Elisabeth was about a year old, Andy got sick and was tested for, among other things, leukemia. Praise Jesus, he ended up with just a mono-like virus and nothing serious, but I don't like to remember or talk about the fear I felt during those days.
- Four years of dealing with major health issues and over a year of infertility ended in a hysterectomy for me - at age 27.
- Having believed since before Elisabeth was born that we were called to adopt, we have taken steps to follow through with this calling. We had a birth mom tell us she wanted us to adopt her baby and we were in the midst of conversations with her. While we were sitting at the attorney's office for a consultation visit on finances around a private adoption, I received a text from her telling us she had changed her mind.
1. Make Christ the center. It sounds so trite, but I can't stress this enough. If both spouses are following Christ and walking with Him daily, just about everything else falls in place after it. This is as simple as it is scary. See, I can't control Andy's walk with Christ. I can only make sure I am doing what I need to do. Our worst times have been when one (or both) of us has neglected our time with Him. When I am spending time in the Word and walking closely with Christ, He works through me. When both Andy and I are doing this consistently and well, our home is happy and peaceful. I can't express how thankful I am to have a husband who loves Jesus and leads our family to do the same.
2. Learn from others. One of the best decisions we made was to hangout with a couple who had been married a long time and glean from them. We asked a couple at our church - before we even got engaged - if we could spend time with them and observe their marriage and pick their brains. Not only were they there to walk us through being engaged and the very early years of our marriage, but we have lifelong friends who we know will hold us accountable.
4. Put your marriage before your children. Lots of people have said lots of things about this. I don't have anything extra to add to it; just know it's important! (And while we're on the topic of children - parent together! Be a united front or the "ankle biters" - as Kevin Leman calls them - will totally pit you against each other.)
5. Guard your relationship! That should be a "well, duh" but unfortunately, that's not always the case. We are very open with each other about our friendships and working relationships with the opposite sex. We don't spend time alone with members of the opposite sex - not because we are "old fashioned" or afraid, but because we value and respect our marriage and each other. We know each other's phone pass codes and email/FaceBook passwords. If one of us feels threatened by someone, we let the other know.
3. Be kind! For real. Our spouses catch our worst. When I've had a bad day, I'm polite to the cashier, the teacher, the repairman, and the telemarketer and then treat my husband like he spit on my ice cream. I've realized my tendency to do this and have tried to really embrace the team mentality. Andy is on my side and for me. Instead of bottling it up and taking it out on him, I let him know what is going on and how he can help. "I need a bubble bath, a coke, and a good book." "I need to go for a run." "I need some time alone to read my Bible." "Can we just watch a movie together and forget about the day?" It works so much better when you team up instead of playing the game of Life as individuals.
4. Put your marriage before your children. Lots of people have said lots of things about this. I don't have anything extra to add to it; just know it's important! (And while we're on the topic of children - parent together! Be a united front or the "ankle biters" - as Kevin Leman calls them - will totally pit you against each other.)
5. Guard your relationship! That should be a "well, duh" but unfortunately, that's not always the case. We are very open with each other about our friendships and working relationships with the opposite sex. We don't spend time alone with members of the opposite sex - not because we are "old fashioned" or afraid, but because we value and respect our marriage and each other. We know each other's phone pass codes and email/FaceBook passwords. If one of us feels threatened by someone, we let the other know.
6. Apologize often; keep your slate clean. And, please, a real apology. "I'm sorry you are sensitive and your feelings got hurt when I said..." doesn't cut it.
7. The physical stuff matters more than most people think. Our culture has drastically cheapened what God created as pure and vital for a healthy marriage. It is never wise to neglect what God deems important. (Check out 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 if you are skeptical!)
8. Control your schedule instead of letting your schedule control you. Make time for rest - for yourself, your marriage, and your family. This past year, I resigned from my job to work from home. One of the driving forces behind that decision was to protect our relationship and family. We had all been running from place to place, event to event, and home ceased to be a haven. We were all exhausted and snippy when we got home and WHO THE HECK WAS GOING TO MAKE DINNER??? And don't even get me started on the laundry and mopping. The tone in our home and our marriage has become much nicer over the last few months. This isn't to say God's will for everyone is to quit jobs; however, do what you can to slow your pace a little. Create some margin for marriage and family time. It's okay - and even good sometimes - to say no. Protect your marriage and family!
9. Have fun! As much as I enjoy coffee and strolls around Target with friends, my favorite person to be around is Andy. We goof off and play games and laugh hysterically at inside jokes (and occasionally our kid). He really is my best friend and my first choice for hangout time.
Let me add a little caveat here: a successful marriage happens when BOTH spouses are working for it. Andy and I both work at our marriage. You can do everything most things right and not have a perfect marriage. We don't have one. Why? They don't exist. Marriages involve humans. Humans are imperfect and sin. That's where the forgiveness and grace come in. As much grace as God has shown me, who am I to refuse it to my husband? And, praise Jesus, Andy extends it to me as well. (Additional caveat: this does NOT apply to an abusive relationship. Forgive, but get out and get safe. Okay? Okay.)
Marriage isn't always easy, but it can be simple. And it is worth it. There are parts of the last ten years I would never want to relive. But I wouldn't trade them, because we are in this place because of the lessons we've learned and the difficulties we've survived.
I'm not a marriage expert. I'm just an regular girl married to a regular guy. And if I was given the choice, I'd do it all over again. And without being too presumptuous, I believe he'd say the same thing. :)
PS - Since you made it this far, here's a glimpse of ten years ago.
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