This Time, I Will Praise The Lord

Leah. One of the most pitied women in Scripture. The older, less desirable sister. Given in marriage disguised as the younger, beautiful sister, Rachel. In a seemingly unending race to be the best and most loved with Rachel. I can't read her story without feeling her pain. 

Genesis 29:31-33: "When the Lord saw that Leah was unloved, He opened her womb; but Rachel was unable to conceive. Leah conceived, gave birth to a son, and named him Reuben (he has seen my misery), for she said, 'The Lord has seen my affliction; surely my husband will love me now'. She conceived again, gave birth to a son, and said, 'The Lord has heard that I am unloved and has given me this son also.' So she named him Simeon (he has heard). She conceived again, gave birth to a son, and said, 'At last my husband will become attached to me because I have borne three sons for him.' Therefore he was named Levi (he will join)."

Leah wasn't happy in her circumstances. Her relationships were broken and screwy. She desperately wanted them to change, as is shown even in her boys' names. She was unsettled and longed for approval and love.

The last week or so, I have been wrestling with something I've wrestled in the past: being disappointed by another person. This is something we all deal with, be it a spouse or a child, an employer or employee, a friend or a coworker. I have allowed it to consume me. All the emotions - hurt, anger, sadness - would just take over. I'd plead with God to fix it, remove it, or whatever else I felt justified in asking regarding "it". It would weigh me down and cripple me for days, sometimes weeks, at a time.

But this time is different. I was reading in Jesus Calling (Sarah Young) yesterday (catching up a bit, to be perfectly honest) - and came across this: "Trust and thankfulness will get you through this day.Trust protects you from worrying and obsessing. Thankfulness keeps you from criticizing and complaining: those 'sister sins' that so easily entangle you." (Jesus Calling, February 21) 

Back to Leah. Genesis 29:35 says, "And she conceived again, gave birth to a son, and said, 'This time I will praise the Lord.' Therefore she named him Judah (to praise)."

You know what? I have tried to fix things on my own. I have taken it upon myself to inflict punishment on others. You know what else? Those things don't work. Maybe they hide the issue for a while or make me feel "better" or in control. But they don't work in the long run. Only the Holy Spirit works in the long run. 

This time, I will praise the Lord.

I decided yesterday morning I was not going to let another person's decisions or actions interfere with my relationship with Christ. I wasn't going to dwell on the situation. I wasn't going to give in to anger. I wanted to just fix my eyes on Christ, forgive, and move forward. The hurt was still there, but my heart was at peace because it was resting in my Savior Who will never let me down or disappoint. (And of course, as always seems to happen, God gave one more push in this direction through last night's sermon. Okay, God, I hear you!) 

A friend said something the other day that really resonated with me. When someone hurts us or disappoints us, we have the opportunity to practice being like Jesus. We can forgive and wipe the slate clean. 

So here's the deal: I am human and I offend and sin, too. I have been forgiven by my Savior. Who am I to withhold forgiveness from others? It is never my job to "teach someone a lesson" or to punish others for sin. (It IS my job to discipline my child, but that's another thing altogether.) It is not my job to hold something over another person's head or to manipulate relationships based on what I think I deserve. If I look in the mirror, I can see all too clearly what I deserve. Christ has withheld that from me and offered forgiveness instead. Praise Jesus! As my friend so perfectly put it, I want to practice being like Jesus. It is my job to forgive, to show grace as I have been shown grace. 

I will be hurt again, by many people. It's the nature of our fallen world. And I will hurt others and need to ask their forgiveness and grace. From now on, I want my response to be, "This time I will praise the Lord." Every day. Every time. I can choose to praise. I can choose to let God use my hurts and failures to grow me in my walk with Him. This time I will praise the Lord. 

"Let the ruins come to life
in the beauty of Your name,
rising up from the ashes.
God forever You reign.

And my soul will find refuge
in the shadow of Your wings.
I will love You forever
and forever I'll sing"

Glorious Ruins - Hillsong
Hear the whole song here