Praising in the Shadows

I'm tired, I'm worn, my heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing
I've made mistakes, I've let my hope fail
My soul is crushed from the weight of this world

But I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That You can mend a heart

That’s frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that’s dead inside can be reborn

Cause I’m worn

(Worn - Tenth Avenue North)

This is exactly how I feel today. Our family has had a difficult week. Within 24 hours, we went from elation and joy to disappointment and devastation. Behind the smiles you may see, there are tears just waiting in the background. There are heavy hearts. It's kinda different to mourn for something you never even had, but that's where we are right now. And it is hard.

In the middle of the pain, I am speaking {out loud} things I know to be true. In the shadows, it is easy to forget and hard to praise. So I have been reminding myself of the Truth and speaking the words. These are the truths I have been repeating all week long: God is good. God is faithful. His mercies are new every morning. Over and over throughout the day. God is good. God is faithful. His mercies are new every morning. 

Another thing I know to be true is this: God has placed a distinct call on our family. Andy and I have known for ten years. And at this point, we believe we are pursuing that calling in the way in which He has led us. Hebrews 12:1 says, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." In the middle of the hurt, I want to run my race with perseverance. I want to throw off the anger and the bitterness and just run - and run well. 

A couple years ago, Elisabeth's school hosted a 2 mile fun run. Andy and I signed up for it and at the very last possible minute, Elisabeth decided to do it, too. We set out and Elisabeth was so excited. Soon, however, the excitement wore off and our kindergartner decided she had had enough - so she sat down in the middle of the road. After much coaxing, we got her back on her feet and she finished. (Somehow or another, she ended up winning a medal in her age group. I didn't sit down in the road, but I didn't get a medal. Whatever. I'm not bitter.)

God has set this course before us and - as hard and painful as it might be some days - I don't want to sit down in defeat. I may slow down to a crawl, but I refuse to stop or to try to get on someone else's course. When it is over, I want so badly to be able say 2 Timothy 4:7, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." 

We all have a calling to answer and a race to run. I want to complete mine. I will press on; there may will be more tears, but I will press on. I want to finish my race with my faith intact. My running mantra? You guessed it.

God is good. God is faithful. And, yes, His mercies ARE new every morning.